What if's?
by CammyHelena
Summary: Katniss is forced to go to Peeta's house and apologies for how she acted when she was drunk. When her apology goes south and she runs home, someone is waiting for her and it is not a friend.  PLEASE READ New to Lemons!


_My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am eighteen years old, I have brought the Capital down, my sister is dead by the hands of my best friend, my mother refuses to talk to me, Everyone thinks I am crazy because I killed the rebel leader Coin, My only company is a drunk and a boy who is just as crazy as I am, maybe even more_

I have been living in District 12 for three years now; fighting off loneliness, suicidal thoughts, gaudy nightmares, intense flashbacks, and perhaps the only thing that can save me from all of it.

When you have witnessed your sister die by the hands of your best friend, it gets to you. I slowly understand why every time I go to Haymich house, he's on the floor passed out drunk. It's just his way of denying the past of its joy of plaguing his memories. For me, I have no place to hide. My memories find me when I am asleep and when I am awake. I tried to drink myself into bliss but I only caused more destruction by hurting Peeta.

It was last night when I reached the white liquor and drank as if it was water in a desert. I remember walking around destroying everything. A noise stopped me from tearing the picture of a random family the capital put on the wall before Quall. It was Peeta, he had been staying at my house watching me till I fell asleep. Instead he fell asleep on the couch till my screaming fit. He came over towards me but I said something to him that caused him to stop. That's where it gets fuzzy for me; the next thing I recall was smacking him in the face. He was shocked and then left. I was then left alone. I walked up to my bed and laid down to sleep. My nightmare was worse than before. Instead of seeing Prim dying over and over I saw Haymich and Peeta dying with her. I just watched helplessly.

This morning, I decided to ask Peeta what I said or just tell him that whatever I said wasn't true. Either one should fix this up with little talking.

I put a dress one and wore my hunting boots. Feeling that just a lie won't be all I need to do, I drank some water to fix my chapped lips without intentions of getting any farther then kissing.

Just Knocking on the door made me anxious; I don't usually do this kinda thing. Usually I wait till he comes back and we forget the event even happened but I feel that this time it's different. I don't think I can just run from this one.

"Who is it?" I heard through the door. I didn't know what to say at first. I essentially forgot who I was for a second.

"It's me Katniss" I said regaining my sanity. I heard some scattering and movement behind the door. I tried the handle but it was locked. Peeta never locks his door so I didn't know what to think. Did I make him want to lock his door or is this just something I have never noticed?

The door then opened and Peeta was there out of breathe with a bandage on his cheek. He gestured me to walk in and I did keeping my eyes to the ground. I started to second guess myself in the process. I walked into his kitchen seeing that he was baking bread loafs for the town.

"If you're busy I can come by another time" I turned to walk back to the door but Peeta stopped me. I just turned right back around and sat at the table in the middle. The bread and cookies were covering the whole thing, all the cookies had beautiful decorations and the bread smelled delicious. I could see why kids would line up waiting for his cookies.

"Why are you here?" he asked. I looked up at him reminding myself that I was here to find out what really happened last night.

"I was really drunk last night. Real or not real?"

"Really real"

"I hurt you. Real or Not Real?"

"Real" I didn't want to continue, I felt like running to my room and hiding from the world for the rest of the year. I didn't think that I could hurt Peeta physically ever here. I knew that unintentionally I have hurt him mentally but that was mostly the Capital. I am no longer the Mockingjay so I don't need to fake my love for him anymore. So why is it that I still can't fathom being without him?

"Why did I hurt you?" I asked without looking at him.

"You were angry and upset, I said something and you said something and it just made things worse" he walked to the counter on the other side of the room and lend against it with his palms down.

"What did you say?" I asked

"I told you to stop drinking or else you'll end up like Haymich" I couldn't argue with him, I basically got the whole idea from him in the first place. I still felt a bit of anger but that didn't stop me from finding out what else was said.

"Then you told me that if you wanted to end up like Haymich then it was your business and none of mine" I had a feeling I would say something along those lines. I then looked up to Peeta who was looking down to the floor.

"I told you that you can't do that and that I wouldn't allow it" he looked like he didn't want to continue. I stood up and walked over to him.

"What did I say in return?" I tried to look into his eyes but he kept escaping my sight.

"You said that if you wanted to kill yourself, then I would have no say in it. I then told you that you wouldn't kill yourself. Then you grabbed a knife and almost cut your arm. I reached for your arm but you accidently scrapped my face" I was horrified by what he had just told me. I was the reason for that bandage on his cheek. I reached out to touch it with tears almost falling out of my eyes. I yanked back and closed my eyes fearful of what I must ask.

"Did I say anything after that?"

"You said that you were sorry and told me that it was one of your habits to hurt the ones closest to you. Then you told me I should leave if I knew what was best for me. I stayed but then you forced me out" He walked towards the hall way and into the living room with the TV and sat on the couch watching. I sat on the table wondering how to fix this. I thought that I had just slapped Peeta, I never knew I sliced him.

What does he think of me know? Does he still love me? Or am I just another girl who hurts him? Maybe finally he will stop and find a girl who wouldn't do this to him and live happy with someone who deserves him. The more I wanted to leave and never see him again the more I wanted to run in that room and tell him that I was sorry. He deserves better but I can't imagine a day without him. I want to be with him every day and night. I want him to know that I love him not because my family's lives depend on it, because I depend on him. If he were to walk out of district 12 I am sure I wouldn't last that long. He is my Mockingjay, I was singing out of loneliness and he was there to sing back to me. I know what I must do.

I walked into the living room and turned off the TV. Peeta at first looked up at me, trying to figure out what I was doing. I stood there looking back at him with my grey eyes. My hair was all messed up and flowing to my shoulders in waves. I walked over to him and straddled his lap. His blue eyes widened a bit but he focused only on me. I combed through his hair and pulled him into a kiss. He followed along not wanting to ruin the moment, I was thankful because I didn't want to answer his questions at the moment.

When I licked his bottom lip asking for his permission to enter he grinned and accepted. My tongue explored every section of his mouth memorizing it. I have been so focused on my pain that I haven't thought of Peeta's before. I felt that I should treat him to something. But it isn't a onetime thing; I feel that it's going to be more than that.

"Katniss" Peeta broke the kiss and I was a bit shocked.

"What is this about? Is this just because you feel bad for what you did?"

"No Peeta it's just..."

"Because I don't blame you for cutting my face, it was my choice in jumping in but I just couldn't" he rambled.

"PEETA FOR ONCE JUST SHUT UP" I yelled. Peeta shut up and was taken back.

"For once, I'm trying to initiate something with you, trying to show how much I love you, and you keep talking" I stand up and walk towards the door hoping that Peeta would stop me. He just stayed on his couch, I was beyond pissed.

I made it to my room before I screamed out of frustration.

"YOU IDIOT" I screamed at my window towards Peeta's. I didn't even want to look at him anymore, I closed my curtains.

I waited on my couch for Peeta to come running in my door to beg for my forgiveness but he never came. The sun was down so it was too late to hunt and I didn't feel like talking to Haymich tonight. My opinions were low. I was hungry and Greasy Sue didn't come by because Peeta cooks dinner. I went to my room to relax and heard my door open. I was excited and decided to run down stairs.

I stopped at the end of the stairs to collect myself and not look desperate. I was walking towards the kitchen and I saw that the light in my activity room/ Peeta's painting room. I smiled a bit and walked slowly to try to scare him.

"You shouldn't be in here" I said as I turned the corner, I soon realized that it wasn't Peeta, Greasy Sue, or Haymich. This man was someone I don't know. He looked at me with a mask on. He looked tall and was in all black. I stood still and then moved back slowly. The man decided he didn't like that.

He came running towards me and I ran up my stairs. But he was faster and pushed me down to the ground. He held a knife to my neck and smiled a bit scanning my body. I punched him in the nose and continued to my room. I screamed the whole way hoping someone was still up and would help me. When did I become so depended on others? If this was before the games, I would have killed him easily.

I locked my room and went to my window to escape. The man was fast and knocked down the door. I didn't even get a chance to get past my bed. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me down to my bed. I knew what he wanted and I wasn't about to give it to him. I tried to fight but he punched me and I was caught off guard. He had rope and began to tie my feet and hands down to the bed. I was trapped in a web of this spider and I could not escape.

He straddled me and looked at me, but not in the eyes. I tried to escape but he knew his knots and every time I moved they tightened. I didn't know what to do. He took his left hand and started at my neck, running down to my chest, unzipping the top of my dress and squeezed my breast, I screamed in horror that this was happening. He didn't let go, he just took his other hand and slid it down my stomach. I shook my head screaming but I felt I was in another nightmare. Every scream became silent.

"They can't hear you honey" He said. He slid his hand up my dress and right above my underwear. His head went down towards my breast and started to suck on my right while squeezing my left. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want anyone besides Peeta to touch me like this.

His right hand then slid under my underwear and close to my clit. I shivered at the touch of his cold hands. I was sobbing, my throat hurt too much to scream. I almost closed everything out convincing myself that this wasn't happening.

"GET OFF OF HER YOU BASTARD" I heard suddenly the man in black was punched off and fell on the floor. It was Peeta, I have never been so happy to see him in my life.

"PEETA" I yelled. He looked at me in shock and went towards my attacker. Punching and kicking him out of anger. I wanted to help him but I was still roped down. After what felt like an hour, Peeta untied me and I collected myself the best I could. Haymich soon came in and dragged the attacker downtown to the new peacekeepers. He told Peeta to stay with me, but I feel Peeta didn't need an order to tell him that.

It was two days later when he started to talk to me again. He only fed me in my bedroom and slept next to me at night.

"I'm sorry" he said. I looked up at him as he painted in his room where I met the attacker that night. I was just sitting on the couch watching him paint his picture with the afternoon sun coming in through the windows. The sun rays hit him so beautifully that I didn't want to talk at all. But I knew Peeta wanted to.

"It wasn't your fault, I didn't lock my door" Peeta sighed and stopped painting and then continued.

"No, well yes I'm sorry about not running to you faster and stopping him from hurting you the way he did, but I was talking about what happened earlier that day" I had almost forgot. I left the door unlocked so Peeta could run to me.

"I'm sorry for not running after you and continuing where we left off" he said. He turned his chair and walked towards me. He got down on his knees in front of me and looked up into my eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you stay with me and that I left you alone" He sounded like he was about to cry. I reached out to his face and smiled a bit. I swear that I have never been this open to anyone before, but I feel that I can be.

"Peeta, I love you, I know that we have our differences in some things and that both of us are still dealing with our past. I came to you thinking that I can instantly show you how much I love you. I tried to show you in minutes what you have been doing for years"

"But if I just would have went to your house instead of delivering bread, it wouldn't have happened" He took my hands and held then up to his lips giving them a light kiss.

"There are a lot of what if's I have to; what if I stayed in the Capital instead of coming back to district 12, what if I didn't kill Coin, what if I ran away with you and Gale, what if my sister's name didn't get pulled from the basket, what if my father never died, and what if I never met you. There are too many 'what if's' between us, I want to focus on 'what do we want to do tomorrow' and then we can think about what if's" Peeta snickered a bit and looked up at me.

"When did you get so old?" he said jokingly, both of us sharing a light laugh.

"From hanging around you too much" I bent over and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"I don't mind it" he said. He goes back painting and I lean my head on the arm of the couch. I didn't want this moment to end at all, I felt that time should freeze right here and everything would be right with the world. Unfortunately, night did come. We both ate dinner and then sat on the couch watching TV.

"I should be getting you to bed" He said.

"What am I a child" I yawned.

"Some days I think you might be" I glared and stood up. He followed me to my room. I grabbed my clothes and took a shower. When I was done, Peeta took his shower. I waited for him to finish before I jumped into bed in my night dress. Peeta just had some shorts on so his chest showed. I could make out some of the scars and his prosthetic leg. He got under the covers and pulled me in so we were spooning. His arm was wrapped around my waist and his face was in my hair. I loved this feeling. But I think tonight, I'll start where we left off the other day.

I stroke his hand up and down. Then I turned around to face him. He looked down at me with a smile and kissed my forehead. I kiss him lightly on the lips and then look at him waiting for a sign. He smiled and he leaned in to kiss me. This time we started to make out. My hands went around his neck and into his hair. His hands were on my waist, sliding my dress up slowly. I rolled on top of him and fully pulled my dress off. I had no underwear on so all he saw was me. I could already feel the bulge under me was he scanned all of me.

I move in for another kiss and he sat up. I started to suck on his neck and he moaned a bit. The ability to make Peeta sound like that was my gift and mine alone as it should be. Suddenly he flipped us over and I was lying on my back.

"This is for you" He starts to kiss my neck and down my collarbone. I moan from his touch. His right hand starts to squeeze my thighs. I heat between my legs grows wanting more. He sucks on one breast and squeezes the other, trading breast every few minutes. I don't think we really know what we were doing but I knew what I wanted.

"Peeta I want you now" I moaned.

"In a bit Katniss, I want to claim these as mine and mine alone" he said. He slid a finger between my legs and it almost made me scream yes. He added another finger and I was about to go but I held on. When he pulled his fingers I shot up wondering if anything was wrong but unknown to me he had his tongue replacing his fingers. I immediately laid back down in bliss. I have never felt this good ever. I moaned his name and I finally climaxed. I sat up happy but a bit sad.

"Peeta I'm sorry I climaxed without you" He kissed me and I tasted myself. It was exotic in the taste; I had a quick pain between my legs. He just slid his penis into me while we kissed; he apologizes and laid me down. It stretched me, and it hurt. But the pain soon disappeared as soon as he began to slide in and out. I pull his head down and start making out with him while he humps me hard. It didn't take long for him to finish but it still felt good.

He rolled over and sat up a bit by his elbows. Both of us were just panting, trying to slow our hearts.

"Shit" he said. I looked over to him waiting for an answer.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I didn't use any protection" he looked at me. I realized what his fear was and chills went down my spine.

"I know that you don't want kids and now I think I just ruined that" he said with his hands behind his head and his head on his knees.

"Peeta, there is nothing that would make me happier than having your child" I said.

"Do you mean that?" he asked looking straight at me.

"Yes"

"You and I will marry. Real or Not Real?" without any hesitation I say…

"Real"

"Real or Not Real? You and I will have a family" he asked.

"Real"


End file.
